Michelle’s Nuggets of Wisdom and Understanding
Michelle has a unique way of expressing herself.
One day we were having lunch at Chick-Fil-A and Michelle was watching one of the male employees behind the counter. Jamie (her sister) said to her, “Michelle, turn around and eat, and quit staring.” Michelle replied, “Jamie, I can multitask.”
In a conversation on the telephone, Michelle said to me, “Those people are abominating.” (She meant they were committing an abomination by their actions.)
Toby and his wife were expecting another baby, and they just found out that they were going to have a boy (after 4 girls). At the dinner table that night, her 15-year-old nephew (Jay) said, “The doctor could be wrong. They could have another girl.”
Michelle decided to explain to him how ultrasounds work. She said, “If they don’t see what they don’t see, it’s a girl. If they see what they see, then it’s a boy.”
“Don’t tell Dad (about her boyfriend). He’ll have a growing out spurt. His tummy will get big like a jelly fish and he’ll have a growing out spurt.”
Out of the clear blue sky, Michelle said, “I still haven’t heard from the President of the United States, which is probably best. Oh well, he’ll do his thing and I’ll do mine.” At that time, President Trump was in office.
One day, Michelle was telling Floyd and me about a nursing student who died before she finished medical school. When she had missed a few classes, someone went looking for her. Michelle said, “They went to where she lives and she was gone.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant. “Gone?”
Michelle said, “Yup, they found her dead on the floor.”
I said, “Oh. That kind of gone.”
Michelle confided in me over the phone that she was afraid Google was going to close her email account.
I asked her, “Why would they do such a thing?”
She replied, “I don’t know, but if they do, I’ll prop it back up.”
I told Michelle to pick up her purse off the floor so I didn’t accidentally step on it and crunch her cell phone. She picked up her purse and hung it on the back of her chair.
Then Floyd said, “That’ll work unless Grandma decides to walk on the chairs.”
Michelle replied, “Her name’s not Grandma; It’s Mom.”
Floyd and I were taking Michelle on vacation to Branson, and we’d been driving for quite some time. In the backseat of the car, Michelle said, “My leg and my foot are in a headlock right now.”
“Mom, Toby said we’re running our heads with our chickens cut off.”
Michelle made a comment that everyone she knew was pregnant or just had a baby. Courtnie (her mental health case manager) was expecting a baby. Ashley (her behavioral specialist from Dynamic Pathways) just had a baby. Mallory (from church) was expecting baby #5.
So I told Michelle that it must be her. Everyone around her was getting pregnant. And that she needed to be careful not to get too close to Dr. Cannon.
Michelle said, “Oh, Mom, don’t be silly. He’s too old. Besides, he already has kids.”
“Mom, I’m discombobulated.”