When I was a young mother, I’d heard…I’d read…I’d been told that children tend to adopt the labels that they’re branded with, so be careful what you say to your children. God was teaching me something incredibly important. If you say something often enough, regardless of what it is, your child will start to believe it.
Children grow up being told they’re stupid, they’re fat (even when they’re not), they’re lazy, they’re worthless… And though it’s usually not true, after awhile, they start to believe it anyway. And once they start to believe it, then they will repeat it. “I’m stupid. I’m worthless. I can’t do anything right.” And when they repeat those negative statements, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When my daughter, Jamie, was a preschooler, as with most preschoolers, her life revolved around herself. Problem was, she wasn’t an only child. She was the middle child, so she had an older brother and a younger sister. Now her brother was always kind and fair in the way he played with both his little sisters. And they had a lot of fun together. But sometimes, Jamie could be a bully. She wouldn’t play with her little sister. And on the occasion I set them down on the floor to play ball together, it never got past Jamie. Little Michelle (born with Williams syndrome) would roll the ball to her big sister, who would not roll it back. She’d grab the ball and run off with it. Needless to say, I had to bite my tongue to keep from calling her selfish.
I wanted to say, “Jamie, quit being so selfish…You’re selfish…You’re selfish…You’re selfish…” And every time she acted selfishly, which isn’t difficult for a preschooler, I remembered thinking, “Watch what you say to her. Children internalize the labels they’re branded with.” So I gave her a new label. Whenever she acted selfishly, I praised her for always sharing and called her my “sharey girl” (even though it wasn’t true). And you know what happened? Over time, she became my “sharey girl.”
Today, 28 years later, Jamie is married with two teenage boys. She’s active in our local church, she takes time for her little sister (who is only thinking on a seven-year-old level), and she loves to serve and cater to others whenever she can.
August, 2014
Incidentally, Jamie was also the one who…
- Ran into a brick wall while looking behind her…
- Fell off the curb at a full run right into the street…
- Flew over the handlebars of her tricycle and landed on the concrete face first…
- Smashed her head on the corner of the counter and needed stitches…
- Jumped into a pile of ashes with flip flops on and burnt both her feet when sizzling hot coals got wedged between her foot and her flip flop…
- Fell from skates on two separate occasions, breaking her arm the first time, and tearing her ACL the second time.
Can you guess the other label I worked hard not to give her? Accident prone. Guess what? She’s learned to watch where she’s going.